You Are Enough Challenge – Day 1
I'm not enough…yet. So, yeah. Ouch.
You don't always realize just how deeply seated some beliefs are until you start pulling them out of the dark and into the stark light of day. This one is foundational for me. I can't even remember back to an exact starting point. It just feels like it was always there. Today a couple of phrases really stood out to me: “Beating ourselves up for so long.” and “…belief weighs on us.”
“Beating ourselves up for so long.”
If this doesn't explain my inner monologue, I don't know what does. I am definitely my own worst critic. I have set very high expectations for myself and I feel like an utter disappointment if I don't meet them. Beating myself up has become second nature. Also, I find that I have a habit of self-deprecating humor in an effort to beat others “to the punch”. I cut myself down before anyone else has a chance because it feels as if it hurts less to be cruel to myself than to have it come from an external source. A lesson I need to learn for sure. Especially since I have learned that couldn't be farther from the truth.
People will treat you exactly as you expect them to.
If others see you cutting yourself down and beating yourself up, they see that as an open door that it's completely acceptable for them to do it as well. It's quite the slippery slope and you're the one that greased the hill. If you want to be treated better, it's something you need to learn to do for yourself first. You've got to start listening to your inner monologue and if you wouldn't want to hear those words from someone else, don't say them to yourself. Rewrite the script you're playing in your head.
“…belief weighs on us.”
Oof. That one hit harder than I was expecting it to. As someone who has struggled with weight for one heck of a long time, I can say that those two do tie hand in hand for me. The belief that “I'm not enough” leads into a lot of “why bother” type thoughts that close the gap that could be the opening to releasing those beliefs and thus releasing the weight. How can I change that? Again, I must dig into where that belief started, what it's tied to, and thankfully I have this wonderful tool in tapping, where I can now release those beliefs that “weigh” on me.
Time to get personal.
I'm taking this a bit deeper than I would in previous posts. I'm working on allowing myself to be more vulnerable and open. Again, bringing those deep-seated dark thoughts (lies) into the light of day. Authenticity matters and I believe I'll be able to help more people by opening that door of vulnerability and allowing people to connect to my story instead of hiding behind ‘decorum' or ‘privacy' as I've done in the past.
I've never fit in.
Not really. I've always been a weirdo. I fully admit it and own it, now anyway. However, growing up I never really found where I fit in and always felt like an outsider, and going through this meditation process is really bringing to light just how much of it is my own belief system. Having a deep craving of wanting to belong, I never really understood that accepting myself where I was, being “good enough” would have allowed more people to accept me as well. Being so needy was what pushed so many people away.
People can't give you want you don't have.
If you don't have self-confidence, self-esteem, or even the slightest hint of liking yourself, other people are not going to be able to give that to you deep down. It's draining to be around someone who is always needing something, whether it is validation, reassurance, or constant compliments. Most people are already just trying to get by in their own lives and don't have that much to constantly be giving to others as well. Even if you find someone who has that caring heart and can be a constant giver like that, it becomes instead externally motivated and you end up needing more and more. It will never fill the hole. Instead, it just becomes a black hole of neediness, and eventually, people realize they cannot continue to give or they will start to lose themselves.
“I am enough” still feels like a lie.
Though I did have a small shift during today's session, it's clear I still need to do some deeper work to pull this root up and out into the light. There are so many layers, from the relationships where I always felt used, to my financial situations throughout the years I can see how it's all interwoven. A big web of lies tied to this one crappy belief that I am not enough. As I reached the end of the session today and he was instructing us to say, “I am enough.” I still felt so much resistance. I am grateful for this being a continuous challenge so that I can continue to work on this and see just how much I can release.
So, I'm not enough…yet.
But I'm getting there and you can too. It's not too late to join in. Visit The Tapping Solution or download the app and find the “You Are Enough” meditation and tap along to release the lie that you aren't enough.