So I have a thing… at least for now.

Fibromyalgia

Deep down, I don't want to believe that I'm going to have it forever. So much so that most of the time, I don't even tell people that I have it. I try to focus on the fact that other people have healed from Fibromyalgia. That means I can too, right?

Every time I have a flare-up I have to wonder if that's correct, or if it's time for me to accept my fate and realize that this is something I need to resign to and learn to live with. Lately, it's feeling like every time I hit rock bottom, the ground opens up a huge sinkhole to reveal an even deeper rock bottom.

While it's true that the highs have been getting higher, lately the lows have been getting lower, and the sun is getting dimmer and dimmer in those low places.

In my desperation to change, I have definitely been trying to do too much when I have my good energy days. I get all kinds of optimistic and hopeful.

“I'm going to be free of Fibromyalgia!”

I scream out, fist-pumping like I'm at the club. In my Pollyanna like state, I frantically sign up for every course, read every article, try every new modality because one of these HAS to be the answer. All the while, completely oblivious to the fact that I am teetering precariously on the tightrope as it hovers above my ever-lowering rock bottom cavern below.

I start all of it at once, meaning that none of those things ever get fully completed. All of them eventually left, sitting dusty and crumpled in a pile in the corner until I ascend the tall ladder to attempt to walk the wire again.

Cue the deep eye roll…

How on earth will I ever know if any of it actually works if not one of them has ever been completed? Why do I let myself get so distracted by every new shiny object? Bigger question… why do I let my high energy self believe that I'm going to complete all of this stuff at the same time? Only to lose my footing and come crashing down to the rocks below. Again having to start at square one.

As I sit at the bottom of my cavern, making plans for how to get out of this place, yet again, I hesitate and wonder…

Is it even worth all the struggle? All the pain, the time, the EFFORT? Will this fight even win me the war?

Something glints off the walls overhead…

Hope

It's small, but it's still there. Reflecting down into the depths, at the bottom of the cavern, far enough down to be seen by my teary eyes. Shining and glinting away, proving that there is a light somewhere. Allowing me to muster just enough strength to begin the slow ascent back to the surface above.

Here it is… Fibromyalgia.

Glaring me in the face again. For now, I have this limitation and sometimes I can't do everything I want to do… not even close. So, I need to find one thing to commit to and stick to it, to full completion. That should help with the overwhelm and not seeing it through. How to decide what that will be?

Will it be:

  • The weight loss course?
  • The blogging course?
  • The Pinterest course?
  • The Fibromyalgia course?
  • The EFT certification?
  • The Trauma Course?
  • The diet changes?

The question then becomes, which one do I think will have the biggest impact toward filling in that deep cavern? That way, when I fall again, at least this time, I don't fall so deep.

I've heard that the key to getting out of deep, dark places is to look for ways to help others. With that in mind, I'm doing the EFT certification. I know it's something I can do, something I can complete. It's also something that can I can help others with as I move forward on other items next in line.

I think doing some journal posts like this will help as well. It helps with accountability, belief, and it becomes a way to track my progress. A way to see what works, and what doesn't. I need to find the triggers, and for all that is precious stop pushing those stupid buttons.

So tell me…

Do you have something that you hide from the rest of the world? Something dark that you hide away? Share in the comments below and let's decide together that we CAN do this!

7 Comments

  1. Hi April – thanks for sharing your struggle. I am not familiar enough with Fibromyalgia, other than I know low energy is a big issue. Is there a chronic pain issue with it too? The idea of choosing one thing to complete is brilliant. I need to do the same thing instead of — squirrel — all the time. What is an EFT certification? Blessings!

    1. Yes, it does have a chronic pain component as well. EFT = Emotional Freedom Technique. I’ll be talking more about that in some future posts soon.

  2. April, you took me on a journey with you. You’re such a talented writer you made me feel your highs and lows. Here’s what I hide, I’ve never written about it and rarely speak about it. I have Addison’s, which means that my adrenal glands don’t work properly. I experience the highs and lows that you do and never know if I’ll be able to keep any of the commitments that I make. But you are right! We can have a happy productive life by being real about what we’re dealing with.

    1. Sorry to hear about that limitation and the struggles it causes. I know that using a timer has helped me to stick to things. If I know I only have a bit of energy, I do a 5 minute timer and then rest until I feel I can do more. Of course, there’s the days that rest IS the hard work. You got this!

  3. I didn’t tell people about being in kidney failure and on dialysis that much. Once I got on the transplant waiting list, I had to share my story with everyone or I might not have found a donor

    1. Glad to hear that you got a donor! It strikes me how people want to help, but when they don’t know we let ourselves struggle in the dark. Glad you came out of the dark and asked for the help you needed. =)

  4. I have chronic fatigue syndrome, which is the sister illness to fibromyalgia. I have had it for 26 years now. I was told there is no cure. But I believe that there are ways to live better with than others. Ways to lessen the worst of the symptoms. And EFT sounds like a great place to start! You also might want to consider the healing codes – when it can’t or doesn’t heal something, it helps you care less about whether or not it heals. Wishing you the best!

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