9 Environments

Step One of ???

I've been working to figure out what direction I want to with well… everything.

There are so many things I'm interested in and yet, I still can't figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

You know how they ask you that question, “If you had no worry about money, what would you do?” I can wholeheartedly relate to Peter Gibbons in Office Space. “Nothing.”

I've been working and taking care of myself, and now my kids, for so long. I'm just tired. At this point, there's really nothing sounds like something I want to get up and do every day. I've tried extrapolating it out, imagining what I might do after I had that time to relax, and I still can't see it.

There are quite a few things I enjoy as hobbies, but nothing I'm particularly good at that I would just be thrilled to do forever.  All of my skills are just, meh. I can do it, but is it worth someone paying me to do it? No. I can sing, I can craft, I can paint, I can write…but where is the spark?

Being an entrepreneur for the last 9 years, I know I don't want to go back to being tied to a desk and someone else's schedule. However, I also know that I will do whatever it takes to take care of my family…until. No matter how much I don't like doing it, if it pays the bills for now, then that is what I'll be doing. That sturdy responsible side of me won't allow me to do anything else.

So I search. I leave my heart open. I leave my mind open to any and all possibilities. After all, they are infinite.

I've decided to continue with my micro-commitments at this time and see where that takes me. I came across a training by Lisa Nichols, called “No Matter What”. It's a 28-day training, and it came with a bonus training as well, called the 9 Environments. One of my first micro-commitments is to complete one program at a time. The 9 Environments is my choice for now. As soon as I've gone through it, then I'll start No Matter What. It looks like I should get through the 9 Environments fairly quickly.

I know that blogs are supposed to have some singular focus but I'm going to choose to take the journey strategy for now. Those who want to come along can see the transformation and hopefully I can be an inspiration to someone along the way. As I learn, as I grow, as I expand my own horizons I'll share how it's going here.

I want to say I'm excited about this journey, but to be honest, it's the same journey, the same long journey that I've been on for a while now. This is just my newest leg of it. Now, I'm looking forward to finally reaching some great destinations. =)

 

9 Environments

Here Comes The Rain Again

And I LOVE IT!

Yep. I'm one of “those” people. Who actually enjoy the rain.

I was walking out of an appointment this morning and that light drizzle of rain hit my skin and I instantly got a mood boost.

Not many people can say the same.

Do you have things like that? That no matter someone else's opinion, you just love it?

It's like having a superpower. You can be happy when everyone else around you is grumpy and upset.

What makes that happen? Why is it that some people find the weirdest things to be happy about, and other people can find the worst in everything?

It's what we're looking for. You look for the good. You'll find it. Look for the bad. You'll find it. Every time.

What is something that is completely out of your control, like the weather, or traffic, etc. Something you absolutely can't change but makes you angry, frustrated or sad?

What would it take to flip that script in your life, and find good in it?

For instance, rain. Sure, some look out the window and see dreary, they see cold, they see wet, and just yuck.

Then there are the “weirdos” like me.

I see renewal. I see cleansing. I see nourishment for the plants. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the smell of a fresh rain.

Now mind you, add in a biting cold wind or almost freezing temps. I'm not so much a fan anymore. Any other rain, slow drizzle, bit fat ploppy drops, doesn't matter to me.

I'm ALL IN. I just soak it up. It's a full body experience for me.

Maybe that's why I enjoy it so much. No matter what is going on. If I allow it to, it immediately snaps me into the now, into the present moment. I can just breathe in nature for a moment. It's like a huge recharge for me.

I've even lived in one of those perpetually rainy cities, and still never got tired of it.

I used to hate the summer. The heat, the constant stickiness from sweating, just yuck. Then I worked on finding the joy in it.

Feeling the sun on my skin, feeling the warmth. Just taking a moment to really feel the heat radiating back off of the earth, versus down from above. It's only a subtle difference at times, but it also brings me into the moment and I can find the joy there.

What really gets you down, but is something completely out of your control?

I encourage you to start looking for the small things that can flip the script on that and help you begin to enjoy it. It will completely change your day.

Do it often enough, and eventually with all of the things that bother you…and it could change your life.

9 Environments

When the Student is Ready, the Master Appears

When the student is ready, the master appears.

~ Lao Tzu

I hadn’t planned on doing so many health posts in a row but it just worked out this way. It’s rather a funny thing to look back and see the pieces falling so perfectly into place.

For a long time, I decided I was completely done trying to work on my health. Especially since every time I tried something, it would just backfire on me so quickly.

Just recently something sparked that I should maybe look into things again. I can’t remember exactly what initiated my search. It may have even been something I saw on Facebook.

It lead me to look into more information on intermittent fasting which is something I had heard of briefly in the past. Curiosity lead me to do a little more searching and I found myself watching video after video by a new person I hadn’t really heard of or followed before.

They spoke about the body’s glands and how they were usually the reason for many people’s weight gain. Just by looking at a person’s weight distribution you can almost tell right away exactly which gland is causing the most problems for them.

In going through everything I had so many ah-ha moments and I found that most of my problems stemmed from excess stress which caused my adrenals to overwork and put me into fat storing mode. I also have many of the symptoms associated with the liver and thyroid as well.

This was a whole new concept for me. I hadn't actually heard of most of this very detailed, very well researched information before. He tied it to insulin and keeping your blood sugars level, which is actually common knowledge, but not in the ways he teaches. He teaches you must remove any and all sugars, of any kind. Yes, sugar, but also, fruits, all grains, some dairy and excess protein. Small amounts of protein are necessary, but excess levels also increase insulin in the body.

Basically, the plan is to go keto, with the focus being on adding lots and lots and lots of salads/greens, throw in some healthy fats and some moderate amounts of protein and NO SUGAR in ANY form and you're all set. The whole thing completely makes sense. It is a plan I haven't tried before, however, instead of going all out, as I have in the past I planned to just step my way in slowly.

I had been watching all of the videos on YouTube and signed up for his email list. Then I saw that he had an online membership, where you got more in-depth information and recipes, etc. I cried my way through a couple of the points they were offering. Feeling that I had finally found my answer.

I got in and very quickly went through all of the videos. The vast majority were actually the same videos he has posted on YouTube, with just a few exceptions. O…kay?

Sure I got a lot of recipes and a couple of documents that I didn't already have, but other than that, I began to notice a trend. Many of the videos talked about certain nutrients that were lacking and the best way to get them was to get such and such supplement. Crazy enough, he just happens to have that specific nutrient in his personal line of supplements.

Sigh. I had such high hopes.

I don't mind people having a brand of supplements. I don't mind people having a subscription site. However, I do get disappointed when all of the education ironically always points to the need for this one thing, that you should only get through them. Many times, I have turned away from other health leaders for this very reason. Their plan will work with this specific set of supplements and these shakes and this add on, etc. Oh, and they are all things you pretty much need for life to have “real, lasting results”.

Uh….really?

You can't have success without them? Maybe that's why it can't work for everyone, and I'll just keep moving.

Right about the same time, I had received an email from The Tapping Solution (LOVE THEM!!) about a 21 day meditation for weight loss by Jon Gabriel. I had heard the name before and from what I could remember he had good meditations. I figured, it was a good compliment to the new knowledge I was gaining and taking my small steps. It could only help so I signed up.

I had done the first couple of days and then out of curiosity began poking around on his site. I signed up for a couple of free resources, the information was very complimentary to what I was already learning from the other leader. Cool. Just more confirmation that I must be on the right track.

At the bottom of the page, they were offering a free month access to their monthly subscription/support group page. It had a lot more meditations and such available as well. I saved the link and figured I would try it a little further down the road. I continued to learn more and more and the whole concept just resonated with me, even more than the other. Especially after starting to feel discouraged by the “need” for all of these supplements.

I poked around on Jon's site, to see what his store was selling. What products is he selling? Audios, trainings, coaching. No pills. Wow. Cool. I like this idea. I don't really want to start a program where I'm saddled with having a monthly payment, just to be healthy. I just knew there had to be a better way.

I've had this happen in my life before. I just KNEW there had to be a way to work from home and after a LONG time and a LOT of scams. I finally figured it out and I've been doing it for almost 10 years now.

Knowing I had accessed everything of value from the other site. I went and canceled it. I didn't ask for a refund since I did learn a lot (though I could have learned it for free on YouTube), but I also got some of those documents too. I do believe in paying for the value you've received. There are many of the dietary changes that down the road may be very helpful in my continuing journey.

I signed up for Jon's site today. Free trial for an entire month and then only $3 more a month than the other site. Already, I know there is SO much more value here. The biggest thing for me, there is a Facebook support group. That means a ton to me. Other people, going through the same thing. I love it.

I'm still grateful for the other leader because I do feel that I was more receptive to the new information because I had already learned so much.

Today I watched a seminar that Jon did and I KNEW I made the right choice when he spoke of Emotional Obesity. This isn't when you've had a bad day and you have a binge, this is when the body is in protection mode from a traumatic event. He said you have to go back there and deal with that energy. You may even have to find a good healer to help remove it. Fireworks went off in my mind.

This was it! He gets it!

This isn't about any specific diet. Though he does have some recommendations. It's very much a long term strategy, look at 6 months out, not 6 days, or 2 weeks. Gee, sound familiar? Just like my new idea about taking small steps at a time.

Talk about everything just coming together.

I am in awe.

Now, for a quick dose of reality. The questions start to pour in. Could this really be it? There's been so many other “answers” before. How do I know this is the right one? What makes you think you're going to do it this time? Why is this any different? As quickly as they come, they flit away. Almost as if I have such a large fire burning now, they just can't stand the heat and they fly away.

For the first time in a really long time. I'm really hopeful. I have been heavy for more than half my life at this point. I know my traumatic event. I was 16. My weight is absolutely about fear and protection. I just love that he is tying it all together. Energy, thoughts, meditation, some diet, and all with a foundation in sound science.

I'm doing the 21 day meditation, and I've been doing the night time meditation. Mind you this may be the longest I've ever done this without missing a day. I'm already on day 8 and I don't want to miss it. I think it helps that they are only 10 minutes long and the night one, it doesn't matter if you fall asleep doing it, but even it's only 20 minutes. I think the short time is really helping me commit to it easier because it is such a short time.

I have already noticed that I'm not as upset with the kids. I don't get as worked up. I'm more productive on my days off. I got a TON done over the weekend. Today, I woke up with almost no swelling at all in my ankles. I can not remember the last time they were like that. They have been swelling so large and so painful for well over a year. Spoke to my doctor about it, and she didn't even seem concerned, even though I am in tremendous amounts of pain because of it. I know it isn't right.

I'm so excited for that change, so quickly, just by meditating. It's amazing to me. I am so hopeful moving forward. I have let go of thinking anything is going to happen quickly. So much so, I'm only allowing myself to step on a scale once a week. I don't want to focus too much on the numbers and get discouraged. It is a LONG journey back. It's a lot of steps that I took in the wrong direction. It will take me a lot of steps back in the right direction, but I'm certain now, I'm at least going the right way.

9 Environments

No Thanks. I’ll Take The Stairs

I've been using myself as a guinea pig for a special project I've been working on.

Basically, my thoughts are, that it usually takes a long time to build up the bad habits that put us into the situations that we don't like and want to change. However, everything out there promises these quick fixes, but no lasting results. I believe it's because there isn't sufficient time put into rebuilding the good habits and tearing down and unlearning the old bad habits.

I like to use weight and health as an analogy because it's pretty easy to understand and easy to explain. Would you rather lose 10 pounds in one month, only to gain back 12 the following month? Or would you rather lose 10 pounds, but keep it off for 5 years?

It's quite a paradigm shift for us living in this instant/microwave society. We expect everything to come as quickly as we want it.

If it took us 5 years to put the weight on or for our health to deteriorate far enough to have some major issue. There's a good chance it's gonna take more than a month to correct it long term.

I imagine it like facing flights of stairs. You can go up, to health and your ideal body, or you can take a step down and give up on those dreams but enjoy the moment. Now imagine that you've made a lot more steps down than up over the last 5 years. Do you really think that you'll be able to just jump clear to the top stair?

Heck no…

You're gonna have to climb back up. It's a whole new group of muscles that are going to need to be worked and if you try to take the stairs 4-5 at a time, there's a good chance you're going to get seriously hurt. Now compare that to how we look at weight loss/health. How many times have we tried, after only walking down the stairs, to suddenly turn tail and run, full barrel back up them? Only to fail, run out of breath and give up. Defeated, we just head back down the way we came, because, hey, that's familiar. We know how to do that.

Well, that is where my little idea came in. What if, instead of HUGE, GIANT leaps, that lead only to the inevitable crash and burn, it was small baby steps. Little choices. Almost so small you wonder if they are even going to make an impact.

This is where I am now. I'm in the very early stages of testing this theory of mine. I'm using my health/weight as a model to start with. It's easy to have daily goals/choices, and it the results either way will be clear.

Many times in the past I have tried different diet plans, programs, pills, you name the eating plan, I tried it. However, I always tried to do it all at once. And always came crashing down at some point in the process. The leaps and bounds approach. All or nothin' baby!

Looking back, any of the changes that have lasted for a very long time, were these very small, micro choices. For instance, I no longer buy potato chips. I don't even really like them anymore. It was a very small step. One thing. that I did years ago, and honestly, I don't even really like them anymore. Don't do chips at all really.

Simple. Easy.

So small the mind can't even really begin to fight you. It's simple to just say, “Hey, it's just this one small thing.” And the mind backs right off. Done and done. The mind doesn't come up with excuses because it doesn't see it as a big enough thing to bother with. It's not a threat.

I'm letting go of deadlines, timelines, etc. My only focus is, do it until. Until my health has improved. Until I feel better, look better, all of those joys of reaching a goal of this nature.

I'll keep you posted on how this is going and then I'll move on to another aspect of life. At the moment, this feels like the most pressing issue and I'm hopeful for the future at this point.

Everyone's answer is different, but I may have finally found mine.

9 Environments

Blend Until Smooth

Letting go and moving forward in life is really opening up the floodgates on so many growth areas for me. Recently I finally faced going down to where I lived during high school to finish emptying out my Mom's storage unit. Moving forward in life has really disconnected me from my past and who I used to be growing up. I was meeting my brother,  and since he was running a little behind, I decided to drive around to check out the old trailer park I lived when I was there.

The town itself hasn't changed much. Many of the same stores are still there. While many others were closed or destroyed due to some major snow damage this last year. It's quite an eerie feeling to drive by the old grocery store and it's just a destroyed building now. It is a really small town so within just a couple of minutes I was driving down the road I had walked so many times before on my way to and from school. The nostalgia began to creep in as I anticipated what the little trailer park on the corner would look like. The first thing I noticed, was that I almost missed it because all but one tree had been cut down to the ground. Huge stumps 3, 4 and 5 feet wide, but now only an inch or two off the ground.

It was hard to see as I spent so much time, just walking up and down that entryway, enjoying all of the shade in summer, the light glinting through the leaves and the blanket of colored leaves in the fall. I drove in and immediately saw the first trailer we lived in and subsequently moved out of just a month or so later. Another trailer that my brother and sister had lived in. I continued on, my eyes now focusing ahead to that back corner, searching. I continued to search…and then as I got closer, the realization hit me.

My home was gone. Nothing had replaced it. The slabs were still there, but no trailer. It had become mere parking for the neighbor. The green grass I used to practice all my dance team routines, gone. The big huge tree, just a flattened stump like the rest.

Gone. 

I sat for just a minute, shocked. One of the neighbors was out, and knowing how nosy they can be, I decided I had better be on my way. I turned the corner, and there was another brother's trailer, even still has the addition he built on. Continued to drive, looked at one trailer and wondered if the same family still lived there, drove past the bar and on out.

I didn't know how much that would hit me. How empty it would make me feel. Not that I would ever want to go back, but just the fact that it doesn't even exist anymore shook me. I then drove across town to where I remembered my friend living. Knowing that her parents had died, and even she had passed on a few years back, I wasn't sure it would be there either. I never did find it. I'm not sure if it was because I missed it, or if it just isn't there anymore.

Fast forward to today. I brought home some pictures and family papers to go through and I decided that today was the day. The deepest emotions came when I was going through my dad's wallet. Mind you he died 30 years ago, and mom had been holding on to all of this stuff all this time. This has become quite the motivator to purge all of my random storage boxes, let me tell you! I do not want to make my kids have to do this. As I was emptying out the wallet, going through each piece, to make sure nothing of importance was there, I noticed two pictures of me. Down came the tears.

Dad's alcoholism was not an easy time for any of us and it did not create the best relationship between us. So many people tell such great stories about him, and yet, I don't have those memories. I have memories of what alcohol can do to a person. His death when I was 10 really wasn't a surprise. It hurt, but at the same time was a relief because I knew he was no longer in pain. Seeing those pictures enforced the knowledge that he really did love me. Something I wasn't always convinced of because he didn't get to be his best self. That and seeing his AA 12 step card. Down came the tears. He really did want to beat his addiction. He did want to be better. He did try. It was just stronger than he could bear in the end.

The other thing that I ran into was a grade card from about 1st grade or so where my teacher had written a note to my Mom. It talked about my self-esteem and how they needed to work on helping me improve. They had even put me in a special group of kids to help boost my self-confidence. It really shows a lot in how I remember that time of my life. I know that felt very much alone.

Now I know why I tend not to live in the past. There are small snippets, like the pictures in dad's wallet, that reassure that I was loved, but there are many more that move me in the other direction.

I am very grateful that I never again need to return to that town. It never truly felt like home to me and I always felt like an outsider.  The trailer not being there really is quite a good analogy for me and where I am now. As I said in the beginning, I have changed so much, and have disconnected so much from who I was growing up, there are many times I don't even think about that part of my life. The part of me that hurts. The part of me that stings deep down in my heart.

The part of me that hurts. The part of me that stings deep down in my heart.

I am encouraged about the future. It's almost as though some of those pieces of my past that are starting to disintegrate as I rebuild and become a better version of myself.

I know that 10, 5 or even 2 years ago, I couldn't have imagined that I would be at the place I am now. Fully ready to face my future. Ready to become my complete self. Not just the pieces I think everyone is going to be accepting of but completely and 100% authentically me. I've attempted this before, but I don't know that I was truly ready. It was a dipping in of my toe, but never a full-blown jump in. There were still parts of me I had no intention of talking about or parts I planned to keep from certain people.

No more. Love me, hate me,

Love me, hate me, either way…I'm still me.

Fully ready to face my future. Ready to become my complete self. Not just the pieces I think everyone is going to be accepting of but completely and 100% authentically me.

As I move forward I now get to begin to fold in the pieces of me I have been hiding.

The science nerdy side.

The law-of-attraction side.

The brain workings side.

The positive mindset side.

The quantum physics side.

The food/health side.

All of that will come out here in pieces and I'm not sure what the end result will be at this point but I'm just going to start. Share those things I find interesting and talk about them in a way that hopefully helps others understand how it all works together. At the same time, use myself as a guinea pig for some of the things I'm learning and share how that's going.

I'm just so grateful to know that many of the negative things I do remember about growing up are the very motivators for the changes I have made in my parenting style. I just want what I think most parents want… better for my children than what I had myself.

That includes a mom who is there for them, present, doing the best I can and NOT EVER GIVING UP!!